Boatswain’s Mate Shocked To Discover ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Isn’t A Painting Manual
NORFOLK – With the E-4 Navy-wide Advancement Exam happening now, aspiring petty officers have been hitting the books in droves and actually learning about their jobs. Boatswain’s Mate Seaman Andrea Simmons elected for a novel approach.
“I’d say 95% of my job revolves around paint. How was I supposed to know this book was about BDSM?” defends Simmons, referring to E. L. James’ bestselling erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey. “I started reading it last night hoping to pick up some knowledge about ship preservation and paint composition, but I just wound up getting hot and bothered.”
Advancement exams are administered semiannually, in March and September. Despite knowing their testing date months ahead of time — and fully aware of the benefits available to the next pay grade — sailors invariably procrastinate and nonchalantly dismiss their failure to advance.
“I could have totally passed the last three cycles if I wanted to,” sulks Culinary Specialist Seaman Darrell Thompson. “I just chose n…
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