BOLO List To Include Every Color And Year Of Corolla

Kabul, Afghanistan – Intelligence officials working at Resolute Support HQ have compiled dozens of new intelligence reports regarding future attacks to create a comprehensive Be On the Lookout (BOLO) list to coalition forces operating in the capital. Specifically, soldiers and marines should watch out for Toyota Corollas.

“The Vehicle-borne IED (VBIED) threat is one we take very seriously. And we have received a huge volume of information regarding specific vehicles that troops should be looking out for,” Cpt. Rachel Andrews told Duffel Blog. “Right now, our list includes every color and model year of the Toyota Corolla.”

Identifying possible VBIEDs before they are detonated provides coalition troops with have more options in dealing with the threat. Since BOLO vehicles are typically spotted from a distance of 20 to 100 meters, troops sometimes get have the choice between getting blown up while driving away, or just rolling into it head-on. Though, in most cases, the VBIED just blows up wherever it wants.

Junior enlisted personnel, often assigned to the turrets of coalition vehicles, frequently ask whether they can engage BOLO vehicles after positive identification is made. “What are you high?” The Convoy Commander usually answer. “You will go to jail for-fucking-ever.”

“Part of the intel shop’s job is to distill relevant information gathered from various sources into concise reports that will be usable by combat troops on the ground,” Andrews explained. “That’s why we’ve narrowed down the list of vehicles troops need to look out for to Corollas built in the 80s, 90s, or the last 15 years – specifically in white, red, gray, black, yellow (to include taxis), blue and shit-colored.”

The popular and reliable Japanese-made vehicles currently dominating the BOLO list have been a terrorist favorite for many years. But because the body style has remained relatively unchanged for decades, additional identifying characteristics have been included. Examples are “cosmetic damage,” “Arabic numbering on license plate,” “stickers,” and “dirty.”

As of press time, the BOLO list has been further expanded to include the Toyota Hilux pickup truck in white, black and red as well as “elaborately decorated semi-trucks which may have originated from Pakistan”.