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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 132 · Wednesday, 4 November 2026

Pentagon

Pentagon confident U.S. will be ready for 2027 war with China by 2035

Officials cite historically proven American strategy of entering wars completely unprepared

Hegseth wears Eisenhower's globe as Halloween costume

Spirit Halloween store to become pop-up ICE detention center

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Vol. 15 · No. 132

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Vol. 15 · No. 132 · Deployed worldwide

Wednesday

4 November 2026

2336 Zulu

Next edition Friday

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· Page 2

Bowser withdraws airships from world 7 despite plumber victories

Filed · 1531

MUSHROOM KINGDOM – King Bowser plans to withdraw his airship fleet from World 7 after plumbers Mario and Luigi delivered the koopa king numerous setbacks, sources confirmed today.

“We’ve won victory after victory, from Bob-omb battlefield to the Donut Plains, all the way to Yoshi’s Island. This war has been going on since 1985, and it’s time to bring our brave koopa-troopas home,” Bowser said in a press statement aboard his flying clown car, a massive “Mission Accomplished” banner unfurled behind him.

Despite Bowser’s statements, his top generals insist that they were never consulted on the exit strategy.

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