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Captain Crunch nominated as Secretary of Scrumptiousness

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Captain Crunch nominated as Secretary of Scrumptiousness

armydave
Dec 17, 2016
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Captain Crunch nominated as Secretary of Scrumptiousness

www.duffelblog.com

WASHINGTON — President-elect Donald Trump said Saturday he had chosen retired Navy Cap'n Horatio Magellan Crunch to be secretary of scrumptiousness.

“We are going to appoint the Cap'n,” Trump told a small group of reporters outside of his Trump Tower residence. "He's remarkable. Truly the best possible pick for secretary of scrumptiousness."

Crunch, who currently captains a ship called the Guppy amid the Crunch Island archipelago in the Sea of Milk, has made his opinion on morning breakfast cereal and other snack foods very well known — namely that Washington lacks a cohesive strategy for the deployment and distribution of said foodstuffs.

"Washington is too happy to leave this task to the private industry, when it could be better handled with a bit of central authority," Crunch said in November, at a speech delivered at the annual convention of the National Defense Review.

In order for Trump to move forward with the nomination, Congress will have to issue a waiver of a federal law preven…

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