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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Tuesday, 6 October 2026

Navy & Marines

Lincoln sailor returning from deployment already broke

Financial counselors unable to determine where approximately 10 months of pay went

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

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Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Deployed worldwide

Tuesday

6 October 2026

1706 Zulu

Next edition Wednesday

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· Page 2

CENTCOM Commander 'Mad Dog' General James Mattis set to retire

Filed · 1547

TAMPA, FL - Today the United States Central Command (CENTCOM) announced the resignation of its top commander, General James N. Mattis, who plans to retire from the Marine Corps in a matter of months. Mattis is best known for commanding the 1st Marine Division during the opening phases of Operation Iraqi Freedom, but has also been criticized by the media for his outspoken opinions and controversial quotes.

Some believe this to be the reason he was passed over for promotion to Commandant of the Marine Corps in 2010.

General Mattis, 62, is circumspect about his upcoming retirement. "I postponed my retirement to lead CENTCOM, but it’s just time to move on. Years ago I was called to serve my country by means of conferences and briefings, but I feel like, after forty years of that, I've done my duty."

Mattis, pausing in a dead hang to speak with reporters during a set of weighted pull-ups, continued, "Now it's time to admit that two hour update meetings are a young man's game, hang it up, and live out my next sixty years as a private citizen back on the world’s battlefields, away from the constant stress of the office, like Al Gray would do."

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