CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Local Consolidated Issue Facility (CIF) attendant Robert Jones upheld the high standards of his profession earlier this week when he turned away a triple amputee's plate carrier for being too dirty, sources confirmed today.

The body armor, which was covered in blood after Lance Cpl. Warren Childs was grievously wounded by an improvised explosive device in Afghanistan, was "totally unserviceable," according to Jones.

"Somebody has to hold the line when it comes to standards," he told reporters, during his fourth lunch break of the morning. "If I accept a bloody flak jacket today, what's to stop these Marines from trying to turn in a helmet with a bullet hole in it tomorrow?"

Jones added that it was important that leaders in positions such as his maintain perspective on the issues that really matter, and don't compromise their integrity for the whims of a few "presumptuous Purple Heart recipients."

"It's people like Mr. Jones out on the front lines of the CIF service co…