BROKEN ARROW, Okla. – Army National Guard Sgt. Terrance McMahan has underwhelmed superiors and subordinates alike with his consistent shamming in both his full-time job as a refrigerator mechanic for Holsum Foods and National Guard assignment as a light-wheeled vehicle mechanic with the 45th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, sources confirmed today.

“Terrance is always ready, always there, but that’s about it,” said Staff Sgt. Roy Aubrey, his platoon sergeant. “I’ve seen him checked out at work, checked out at drill, and even checked out on deployment.”

“In fact,” added Aubrey, “I’ve even seen him half-assing it in the community during natural disaster call-ups. He’s the only one who calls responding to disastrous prairie fires 'bullshit state active duty.'"