HQ, Your Unit— The Regimental Commander is utterly perplexed as to why his troops aren't excited to participate in a holiday-themed motivational run planned before the Christmas 96 this season, sources at headquarters report.

Sources say the CO has gone out of his way to stress participants enjoy themselves, wear Santa hats, reindeer antlers, funny elf ears, and even encouraged the use of sleigh bells tied in shoe laces.

"Our entire regiment has busted their ass in the past few months with little-to-no time off. I want them to understand how much I appreciate it," said the CO. "The best way I know how to do that is get the entire unit on the road and acknowledge their efforts with a little morale boosting PT session."