The following is an op-ed written by your commanding officer.

What are you doing in my office, private?

I seriously said I had an open door policy? Sure, my door has been open a lot lately, but that’s because the air conditioning is broken and the office temperature gets unbearably hot with the door shut.

No, I would never want to hear your personal problems face-to-face. I would never have hidden that fact, or even been ambiguous about it. I meant to say “closed door” policy in the change of command speech, I’m sure of that.

You come to my office to tell me what I said?

Truthfully, you’re welcome to exercise your ability to walk over here and speak to me, and I will exercise my ability to have you disciplined for jumping the chain of command.

Your leaders are the problem?

Well, between the prostitution ring, meth lab, and human organ black market in our company, I’m up to my neck in paperwork. You’ll have to get in line. Do as Sergeant Dunnigan says and we won’t have a problem.

I’m sure your…