Coast Guard accused of boater suppression

CAPE CORAL, Fla. — Weeks after the Trump Boat Parade over Labor Day Weekend, the Fort Myers Beach Coast Guard Station is now at the center of a boater suppression claim bolstered by a lawsuit filed by organizers of the event.

On September 5, Trump supporters united at the Horton Park Boat Ramp Cape Coral to salute boaters participating in the "Trump Boat Parade over Labor Day Weekend." The flotillas congregated near the Midpoint Bridge before navigating toward, the Gulf of Mexico but were thwarted by various boardings and voyage terminations by Coast Guard small boats.

“There were close to two dozen vessels that were affected by these boardings,” said event organizer Leslie Templeton. “This is not a partisan issue, most of the boats that were affected were Republican boats, every single boat should count!”

It was while investigating voyage discrepancies that Leslie Templeton said she discovered that a number of boat-by-sail vessels were rejected or turned away due to late arrival or that the person in the boat was dead or a dog.

According to Florida statute, a boater must ensure that their boat is named and matches their registration form in the Florida state system, and that they don’t boat twice in a row, because that’s extremely illegal according to U.S. Coast Guard regulations.

Coast Guard Deputy Commander Evan Samp confirmed that for reasons for rejection can be a missing life jacket, boating while intoxicated, or that the signature on their registration is super weird.

Supporters of the president gathered along the Ft. Myers Beach to protest the obvious suppression while waving signs like “BOATER SUPPRESSION IS UNAMERICAN” and “ROCK THE BOAT!”

When asked for statement, Deputy Commander Samp explained “I have to believe we can have fair rules for boating, except if it was for the Democrats, fuck those guys.”