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Coast Guard Commandant supplements service budget as Lyft driver

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Coast Guard Commandant supplements service budget as Lyft driver

Slab Squatthrust
Aug 16, 2017
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Coast Guard Commandant supplements service budget as Lyft driver

www.duffelblog.com

WASHINGTON — When Adm. Paul F. Zukunft isn’t working as the Commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard, he’s driving a Kia Soul, picking up congressmen and senators on their way to Dulles Airport, sources confirmed today.

This is the Coast Guard’s new budget plan, where driving for Lyft has replaced asking Congress and the President for a more generous increase in spending. Over the past few years, the Coast Guard has struggled with aging boats matched with a very large operational picture and a budget that is unable to keep up with the demanding operations all while spending a majority of its budget on guarding Mar-a-Lago.

Zukunft, who is usually seen maintaining operational command over the Coast Guard, quickly realized begging Congress to do something was utterly useless. So he now raises the money primarily through Lyft.

“I was talking with my good friend (Master Chief) Cantrell and we both admitted we’re in a pretty tough spot,” Zukunft said. “Army, Air Force, Navy, and Marine Corps are eat…

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