HOUSTON, Texas – Sharing the annual budget plan with the press is normally a pretty boring moment both for Coast Guard leadership and also the reporters who receive the document. But not this year, as the last item on the FY 2017 Budget Plan’s priority list raised eyebrows and questions: Finalize Preparations for Impending Massive Roboshark Invasion.

“The threat is real,” said Rear Adm. Mark E. Butt, Deputy Commandant for Operations Policy and Capabilities. “We’ve effectively funneled all our assets to make sure those goddamn Robosharks don’t enter our territorial waters and tear people limb from limb.”

Butt says, “All search and rescue planning and maritime prevention have taken a backseat until the [Coast Guard Commandant] Admiral [Paul Zukunft] deems our borders properly protected.”

The emphasis on the robotic threat has had serious implications for the Coast Guard's new National Security Cutter project.

“I told our guys to make as many torpedo launchers as possible on these new boats,…