Skip to content
DUFFEL BLOG

Free military brief. No CAC required.

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast
Subscribe form

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing
4,200+dispatches filed
17,000+readers briefed

The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Thursday, 1 October 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Three editions a week, paid for by our subscribers

Vol. 15 · No. 117

Worldwide edition

Reader supported

Delivered 3× weekly

America's most trusted military news source

Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

1 October 2026

1133 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
· Page 2

Coast guardsman with 'always ready' tattoo is never ready

Filed · 1534

MILWAUKEE— Boatswain's Mate 3rd Class Brad Jarest walked into Iron Arms Tattoo on Saturday and received a Semper Paratus tattoo on his right shoulder. The official motto of the Coast Guard, the phrase is Latin for "Always Ready."

However, Jarest is not always ready for adult life, sources say, since he lacks the common sense and knowledge necessary to even make it through childhood.

“Upon graduation from boot camp, most of these kids aren’t ready for adult life, much less practicing law enforcement and saving people’s lives,” said Chief Jeff Moore, Station Lake Michigan's executive officer, noting that Jarest is like a "man-child made out of jizz tissues and pending Captain's Masts” and that he'd definitely fail if he were to tackle basic finances, a proper relationship, or simply handling a social situation that involved normal everyday conversation.

Also on this page

Your Cart

Your cart is empty

Browse the shop to find something you like.

Continue Shopping →
Subtotal

Add more for free shipping.

✓ You qualify for free shipping!