Quantico, Va. — Marine Cpl. Willie Dix was relieved of his duties as a combat artist by the National Museum of the Marine Corps last week after he returned from Afghanistan and produced nothing but 2,500 hand drawings of engorged erections, sources confirmed.

"His work output was nothing but dick, dick, dick, dick, dick," said one museum official. "We're looking to document the war experience as seen through the artist's tactical as well as visual eye. This was just an avalanche of cock."

Fellow Marines speculate Dix's unhealthy phallus fascination could possibly be traced back to an incident which occurred during his last deployment. While embedded with 1st Battalion, 2nd Marines, Dix was locked into a porta-john for over 30 hours as a practical joke that went awry.