SAN DIEGO, Calif. – The USS Bonhomme Richard (LHA-6), one of the Navy’s premier amphibious assault ships, suffered an explosion and fire this Sunday at Naval Base San Diego. Ship’s company and federal firefighters fought the blaze for several days. The cause of the incident is still being investigated, but some authorities revealed that they suspect the Spanish government.

“Surely this is the clever ploy of the dastardly Iberians to recapture the naval supremacy taken from them by Sir Francis Drake in the 1588 sinking of their armada,” speculated lovable rapscallion, Congressman Cornelius Roosevelt (R-NY), the great-great grandson of the 26th President of the United States. “But it appears the lily-livered milksops have bitten off more than they can chew, for we have ordered the deployment of the Asiatic Fleet! Ho-ho!”