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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 120 · Thursday, 8 October 2026

Pentagon

DTS works properly after hack by rogue AI

Pentagon scrambling to restore slow load times, incomprehensible errors and traditional user experience

Lincoln sailor returning from deployment already broke

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

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Vol. 15 · No. 120

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Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 120 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

8 October 2026

1226 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
· Page 2

Congressman avoids eye contact with generals panhandling outside his office

“Just give him a few million dollars so he’ll go away."

Filed · 0500

CAPITOL HILL — Democratic Congressman Adam Smith narrowly avoided eye contact last week with a group of service chiefs panhandling in the halls of the House Office Building, sources confirmed today.

“Excuse me, sir, my ships ran out of gas on the way to the Taiwan Strait,” a bedraggled Adm. Mike Gilday, Chief of Naval Operations moaned to the congressman. “Can you spare a few billion dollars?”

Though Smith, the chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, pretended not to hear their pleas as he walked toward his office, they only grew louder and more desperate.

“Sir, SIR! Our 5th generation fighter program broke down earlier this year!” Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Charles Brown said with heavy eyes. “We just need another $1.5 trillion to get it back on its feet.

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