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Crappy carrier EMALS repurposed for burials at sea

WASHINGTON — Naval Sea Systems Command has certified the troubled Electromagnetic Aircraft Launch System (EMALS) to perform burials at sea.

The USS Gerald R. Ford (CVN-78) Navy's newest carrier has had a host of problems, including a catapult incapable of launching the Navy's newest aircraft, the F-35C Lightning II. President Donald Trump, upset about the changeover from steam catapults said, "We had a very good thing with steam. We had very powerful steam. I'm not sure why it's gone, but I think we always need to support our beautiful veterans. I talked to many people and they are excited about this wonderful technology."

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