'Day without a veteran' protest cripples t-shirt, social media rant industries

THE INTERNET — Just one day after the controversial ‘Day without a Veteran’ protests, military-themed t-shirt companies have reported a stunning drop in productivity and profits, sources confirmed.

The social media rants that litter the Facebook newsfeeds of veterans and their friends and families and anyone nearby also saw similar dips.

The veteran’s rights protest, engineered immediately after the ‘Day without an immigrant’ protest began to draw attention away from veterans on Facebook, aimed to "remind Americans who fought for the right of immigrants to immigrate: the American veteran!" according to Mark Nevin, one of the organizers.

“I’m sick and tired of not being recognized for the selfless acts I volunteered for," said U.S. Army veteran Jason Schick. “It’s as if suddenly everyone’s forgot how to be thankful for the little guy, for the unsung heroes who quietly do the job no one else is willing to do, for low pay and no recognition.”

The protests’ organizers carefully chose to target two industries veterans have cornered the market on: In-your-face clothing lines, and long-winded proclamations on social media about how “everything we fought for is now fucked up.”

Daniel Wittle, 26, a U.S. Marine Corps veteran and owner of “Fuck You If You Didn’t Serve American Outfitters," knew the protest would likely hurt his new company.

“Yeah, I figured we’d see a little bit of a loss,” said Wittle. “But what was more important was the message. Americans need to wake up, get with the program, and remember what veterans did during our enlistments five years ago.”

“I mean, why should we care about all those terps and their families trying to get into the States? All those dudes did was volunteer to work with an occupying army despite guaranteed danger. Do they realize how long the lines are at the VA?”

Despite the near crushing blow to social media activity and t-shirt orders yesterday, at press time veterans had resumed their near-continuous stream of online tirades targeting various societal woes, including ‘snowflakes’ and ‘fat fucks in the gym."