SAN DIEGO – Tim Chen, an accomplished Jody servicing the wives of the U.S. Navy pacific fleet, has been forced into banging his own wife due to social distancing measures during COVID-19.

“I’m approaching this with patience and innovation,” said Chen. “I’m willing to corrupt a deployed sailor’s wife over zoom, sexting, or even Microsoft Teams. However, with the stop movement order delaying TDYs, training exercises, and ill-advised geo-baching decisions, for the time being I’ve been #SaferAtHome. Even if that means I might have to bang my own wife.”

Chen told Duffel Blog “We’re all in this together,” and as repulsed as he is by the thought of railing his own wife outside of Gold’s Gym in case her iPhone is being tracked, he’s willing to help flatten the curve if that gets him back to the delicious sea of naughty wife flesh he’s come to know and love.

Chen follows the news closely, after hearing the RIMPAC might get canceled, since that’s when he does most of his rimming and also packing.

“I’ve been working out four hours a day now that I can’t go out to the bars to troll for women with 'his boots my flip flops' tattoos,” said Chen. “I hope that all these Navy husbands who aren’t forced to PT anymore start putting on the COVID-19. We might not be getting ready for beach season this year, but it’s about to be the most important time of our fucking lives—the post-COVID divorce season.”