By Cat Astronaut

THE PENTAGON — After decades of wars in which decisive victory and a coherent purpose were often elusive, the Department of Defense announced it has adopted a new motto: “Winning Isn’t Everything.”

“Moving forward, it’s important for us to try and enjoy the process, rather than focus on the outcome of international conflict,” Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin said at a Pentagon press conference. “You win some, you lose some. At the end of the day, we can go home with our heads held high knowing that at least we tried.”

Military leaders from every branch of service were quick to announce their support for the motto.

“Sometimes when you’re cruisin’ down that highway that is war, you just gotta lean back, feel the wind in your high and tight, and try to enjoy the ride,” said Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Mark Milley. “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey, man. That’s what this new motto means to me.”