DoD urges troops to move past election, advise Afghanistan on democratic government

KABUL, Afghanistan — Department of Defense personnel have been advised to move past the tensions and vitriol of the recent presidential election and move forward with advising and assisting the Afghan government in governance, elections, rule of law and stability, according to a leaked message from Central Command.

"This election has been a considerable distraction," Gen. Joseph Votel, commander of U.S. Central Command, wrote in the message. "We need to stop dwelling on what's going on back home and get back to providing top notch advice and assistance to Afghanistan’s government and security forces."

Responses to the message have been mixed.

“It’s time to get to work,” said Lt. Col. James Starky, who currently serves as a rule of law advisor. “I’m just not sure we are going to be able to focus on creating fair and impartial courts in Afghanistan with so much investigating and re-investigation Hillary Clinton’s e-mails and foundation. Just last week, I had to explain to a local judge who this Comey fellow was and it took all day.”

“Afghanistan is a long way from having a balanced, unbiased media, grounded in practices like fact-checking and protecting sources,” public affairs advisor Capt. Elaine Andrews said. “I’ve mentored the journalists with Tolo extensively, and it’s no Bretibart or Upworthy.”

While women's rights and access to health care have eroded in areas which no longer have coalition presence, that has n't been much worry for 1st Lt. Lionel Eldrige, a rifle platoon leader.

“Afghan women look a certain way and dress a certain way because it’s their culture and religion. I respect that. There are some American women who could learn a lot from that, like Rosie O’Donnell, Megyn Kelley and anyone in a pantsuit.”

Troops serving in Afghanistan have expressed the pressure to complete the assist and advise mission is strong no matter what steps the new administration takes.

“We’ve been providing assistance in building and shaping GIROA’s democratic functions since 2003,” reported a source within the U.S. State Department. “They should be ready to function.”

“Of course, the U.S. has been shaping and forming its democracy since 1776, and we do still occasionally surprise ourselves.”