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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 124 · Friday, 16 October 2026

OpFor

Iran condemns US plan to livestream execution as barbaric

Tehran questions whether America has completely abandoned standards of human decency

Vetbro apparel company pivots from stupid shirts to aggressively homoerotic ones

AI deemed ‘too smart’ to replace infantry

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Vol. 15 · No. 124

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Vol. 15 · No. 124 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

16 October 2026

0436 Zulu

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Pentagon · Page 3

Donald Rumsfeld refuses to live in a world without war in Afghanistan

Goodnight, sweet prince.

Filed · 0709

WASHINGTON — Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld died on Wednesday after he decided he could no longer live in a world without endless war in Afghanistan.

“He couldn’t take it, not after what they did to the Iraq War, too,” said friend and former Vice President Dick Cheney. “No father wants to outlive his children.”

Born in Chicago, Illinois, Rumsfeld graduated from Princeton University in 1954 and went on to serve as a U.S. Navy pilot for three years, where he earned the callsign “Captain Morgan” after then-Ensign Don “Rummy” Rumsfeld drank an entire handle of the infamous pirate liquor and shit his pants. He won a seat in Congress in 1962 and later became the youngest and oldest defense secretary in history.

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