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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

0520 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
Safety Briefs · Page 2

DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Elsa gives your weekend safety brief

Filed · 1534

Photo by Lydia Turner / Unsplash

You’re jonesing hard to go out to the bar but you haven’t heard my speech. The barracks in isolation is where you’re gonna be if you don’t listen to me, so sit your ass back down. Better shut your mouth, listen to me now: Don’t drive wreckless and don’t drive drunk. Just behave now or your career is sunk. Go out, get laid, but first be warned before you score...

If you go, if you go to a strip club don’t come home with a whore, with a whore, turn away and slam the door. I don’t care what you’re going to say, she just wants your cash, the gal never cared for you anyway.

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