Entire US Military to wear diapers after lieutenant shits pants

THE PENTAGON — In response to the unexpected soiling of a lieutenant's underwear, every member of the U.S. armed forces will now be required to wear diapers, Duffel Blog has learned.

The policy is to be implemented "as soon as humanly possible," according to an unsigned memorandum distributed via email.

Army Lt. Kyle Nathery was apparently in the middle o…