Esper fired for not being coup enough, sources say
“The president could just respect the decision of the Electoral College, but he thinks he’s too coup for schoo.”
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump fired Mark Esper after deciding his defense secretary was simply not coup enough for the current administration, according to defense and administration officials.
Christopher Miller, Esper’s acting replacement, believes Esper was good at the job but kind of a dork.
“Mark was all right, but he doesn’t drink or smoke and refuses to deploy U.S. troops against our own citizens,” Miller said during a press conference at the Hilton Tree Removal Service on Wednesday. “That’s totally not coup if you ask me.”
Trump, who has said that he will not leave office unless he is forcibly removed or has a tee time at Bedminster, did present Esper the chance to be one of the coup kids.
“The president was nice enough to offer me a seat at their lunch table in exchange for using my position to direct the U.S. military to install a never-ending Trump regime,” Esper told reporters. “But I just didn’t feel coup with the whole thing.”
Esper went into further detail on how uncou…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.