F-35 tests positive for Coronavirus
EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE, California — As the saga of seemingly never-ending problems plaguing the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter Program continues, things took took an unexpected turn this past week, as the unhealthy aircraft has tested positive for coronavirus.
"We are not sure how this happened," an Air Force spokesman said. "We did everything we could to beef up the firewall and security after China stole all our F-22 data".
F-35s running the virus started experiencing excessive high running temperatures, had difficulty getting enough air into the engine, had runny oil, made coughing/sputtering noises and "handled like shit and couldn’t hit anything worth a damn” noted one pilot though official Air Force sources have confirmed that may just be normal for the F-35.
Despite the continuous flow of software security improvements and bug fixes, the F-35 was no match for the coronavirus. Although most of the problems caused by the virus already plagued the aircraft, the virus hit it with all the problems at once.
“Those darn Chinese have engineered a mighty virus” stated the Air Force acquisitions spokesman. “We knew the F-35 was always at risk but we had no way of seeing this coming.”
Coders are working around the clock to develop a cure though experts fear that curing the F-35 of coronavirus will only burn more money and will never address the underlying problems with the F-35.
"It fucking sucks," the spokesman said.