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Female officer acquitted for sexual relationship with enlisted female because honestly, it's kind of hot

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — After a month long trial, 1st Lt. Summer Lovejoy has been found not guilty of numerous charges stemming from an illicit love affair with an 18-year-old female Private under her supervision.

The trial, which captivated the nation, will be studied in law schools for decades after a near perfect defense by Lovejoy's attorneys: They presented photographic evidence and a detailed narrative of the raven-haired, curvaceous officer's affair with her exotic, petite young soldier.

"I wasn't quite on board with my attorney's defense strategy," said Lovejoy. "I couldn't figure out why I spent five straight days on the stand recounting every single sexual encounter I had in explicit detail. But then it hit me, my attorney wanted to show we were in love and love conquers all or something."

Lovejoy's testimony was originally intended to last only one day, but her vivid account held the judge, jury, attorneys, courtroom spectators, Twitter followers, the crowd of thousands outside the courthouse, and users watching a livestream on YouPorn.com completely spellbound.

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