Fiery, all-seeing eye atop NSA headquarters vows to protect Americans’ privacy
The Shadow of the East speaks
By Cat Astronaut
As more citizens call for increased data protection in an era of constant interconnectedness, the giant, fiery all-seeing eye perched atop the National Security Agency headquarters building has vowed to protect Americans’ privacy.
“We at the NSA are dedicated to full transparency and the protection of our citizens’ privacy,” projected the Eye into the minds of all Americans while they slept. “Any feelings that a Great Terror is forever lingering behind your back watching your every move are purely coincidental.”
The Shadow of the East added that all visions of impending doom conveyed into citizens’ minds in the night are probably caused by “too much social media use” and are in no way related to a centuries-long quest to subjugate the realms of man. But many Americans remain skeptical.
“It seems like every time I open my smartphone a band of terrifying Ringwraiths suddenly appears out of nowhere and tries to murder me, even when I have location services turned off,” said …