First Marine Infantrywoman: 'POGs are pussies'

CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Pfc. Eva Slaughter recently became the first female Marine to be awarded the infantry military occupational specialty (MOS) following the decision to open all Marine Corps jobs to females, and she says she has a message that all non-infantry Marines need to hear.

"POGs are a bunch of pussies," said Slaughter, spitting a wad of Red Man onto her S-4 officer's boots. "I got meritoriously promoted to Pfc. out of boot camp and carry a fucking SOG knife, while those pansies in Motor-T are always complaining about TBI from the thirty IEDs they rolled over last deployment, and other weak shit like that."

Slaughter, who graduated from the School of Infantry (SOI) last month, also claims that the infantry community isn't what it was "back in the old Corps," and she's now worried about a "POGification" of the service.

Her comments were in keeping with the infantry tradition of hatred and contempt towards just about everyone and everything else.

"It's not just POGs, but all of our pencil-pushing officers, too," said Slaughter after downing a protein shake mixed with Wild Turkey and putting a coworker in a rear-naked choke.

"I've seen Gen. [Robert] Neller in the gym," she continued, speaking of the 62-year-old Commandant and veteran of three wars. "That bitch can't even deadlift 300 pounds. Meanwhile, I'm over here stacking plates on the bar like John Basilone stacked bodies. And today's my rest day."

Slaughter's instructors at SOI were impressed by her effort in graduating from the grueling two month course, which every other combat arms Marine has also completed.

One instructor, Sgt. Daryl Nogues, praised her ability to "rat fuck" an MRE as "the finest [he's] ever seen."

"It was just a pleasure to have her in the course, because what the infantry really needs is more women," said a visibly upset Nogues. "And my Colonel definitely didn't threaten to court martial me if I don't say that."

Slaughter's experience as the first Marine infantrywoman has not been without its difficulties. None of the bathrooms in her unit have been converted to gender-neutral standards yet. But she says that hasn't been a problem because she always "pisses standing up."

Her Battalion Commander is also worried about potential sexual assault issues, as Slaughter has already harassed several Marines, claiming "they totally wanted it."

Despite the difficulties, her leadership says her impact has been positive overall.

"Pfc. Slaughter has fit right in with our battalion," said her Company Commander, Capt. Tommy Doyle. "She smells like shit, she leaves piss bottles all over the place, and she already took out a car loan that she'll be paying off for the next fifteen years."