You're Getting Out Of The Marine Corps? Are You Insane?

The following is an op-ed written by your company first sergeant.

Hey Marine, come on in and take a seat. Can I get you anything?

No? Ok great.

Gunny tells me you were thinking about getting out of our beloved Corps. Is that true?

What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you insane? You must be insane. There's absolutely nothing for you out there.

Let me tell you what's going to happen: You're going to get out, DD-214 in hand, maybe get a job at McDonald's or some shit, then two years from now, you'll be running back to us and asking to come back in. Hell I know it's going to happen, I did it myself.

The civilian world is terrifying. It's full of civilians. Do you realize that?

Alright, so what's your plan? Tell me your plan. I want to know exactly what you are planning to do to ensure that you maintain a steady paycheck, eat well, do physical training, and contribute to society in a meaningful way for at least the next 7 years ahead. No one gets out of the Corps without a plan.

Why are you hesitating? WHAT IS YOUR PLAN? I want it in the next five seconds.

Ok, so you're going to college on the Post 9/11 GI Bill. Great. What's after that?

You've gotta be shitting me. You don't know what major you want to pursue? Listen, we teach Marines to improvise, adapt, and overcome anything, but you better put pen to paper and start figuring out what you're going to do on the other side.

Otherwise, you're going to end up alcoholic and homeless, giving $2 blow-jobs to guys in the alley on their lunch break from their high-paying corporate jobs. That or you end up back here, in the Corps. Sure you'll still be an alcoholic, but hey, that's no big deal.

Can I get you a drink by the way?

Let's face it, this is the best job in the world. Nowhere else do you get to shoot big guns, work out, and yell at subordinates for no reason whatsoever. Can you believe it? Just a few years from now you might be a sergeant or a staff sergeant and you'll be able to make grown men pick up small pieces of trash outside the barracks, all for your own amusement.

Listen, I'm not signing your check-out sheet. You come back to me with a re-enlistment package and I'll sign it right away. Hell, we'll even send you to Airborne school. You can jump out of airplanes. How cool is that?

You can't do that in the civilian world.