Meet the groundbreaking female Navy pilot who's been drawing sky vulvas for years

ANNAPOLIS, Md. – Retired Navy Capt. Krissy Dickinson admitted at a retired officers’ luncheon on Sunday that she had been drawing sky vulvas her entire career.

“Those boys think they invented sky porn?” Dickinson growled over her 11am scotch. “My first check ride I drew a clitoris over Pensacola. Good thing the boys on the flight line had never seen one before.”

Dickinson, now 58, laughed to herself, drew a fallopian flight path on the table with a Splenda packet, and took a full eight seconds to wink.

An F-14 pilot, Dickinson called the pilots involved in Friday’s “Sky Dick” incident a “bunch of lazy amateurs” who “didn’t even end it on a long hot shot of ropey jizz” like she did back during RIMPAC 1988.

“Krissy is truly one of the best,” said Rear Adm. Lower Half (Ret.) Carl Samburg. “We could never put her on the Blue Angels, because obviously, she’s a lady. But when I saw her first sky labia, I said, ‘Krissy, I don’t know what that is you drew, but that’s some tricky flying.”

"Oh, I could show those Sky Dick boys a thing or two around the cockpit," Dickinson said. "Or as I like to call it: the box office."

Dickinson’s conversation had been overhead by several Naval Academy midshipmen, who immediately complained to management about the number of times she’d pointed to the sky and yelled, “Yep, put a clitoris there,” which was distracting them from reposting Sky Dick memes on Twitter.

“Those were wild times,” Dickenson said as she was being escorted out of the restaurant. “I’ll never forget the first time I drew a full sky uterus. My Squadron commander said, ‘oh, cute, a cow.’ I drove 130 miles to the next Naval Aviation Station to find another female pilot, and we high-fived. These fuckboys and their sky dicks are just getting started.”

Salty Sam contributed to this story.