CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A Force Recon Marine has recently published his first tell-all coloring book, according to sources at both Chuck E. Cheese and Books-a-Billion in nearby Jacksonville.

Speaking at the bookstore while munching on a cold slice of pepperoni, Capt. Joshua Hopkins, assigned to the Marine Corps’ 2nd Reconnaissance Battalion, told a group of under-10s and Baby Boomer veterans that his new book explores the dichotomy between hating everything about the Marine Corps and taking pleasure in defeating America’s enemies in extremely violent ways.

Standing before a 30-foot wide rack of Navy SEAL tell-all books, he mentioned that Navy SEALs shouldn’t get all the credit, since Marines are just as good, being the littoral service’s version of SEALs, Rangers, Special Forces and those ridiculous so-called Air Force PJs.

“Why are they in their pajamas, huh?” he asked the gathered crowd.

Hopkins told the audience that he chose to simplify his art this time by using a mere 16-count Crayola …