Dick Cheney appears younger following death of Colin Powell

You decide, stake or WMD.

By Paul J. O’Leary

CASPER, Wy. – Sources close to Dick Cheney report the former vice president has been looking nearly 20 years younger since the death of former Secretary of State Colin Powell. 

A Secret Service agent who requested anonymity reported seeing the former head of KBR doing morning windsprints, practicing break dancing, and doing Parkour following the death of Powell. 

Many observers noticed Cheney exhibiting a similar boost in moxie following the death of fellow Iraq War architect, Donald Rumsfeld in June of 2021. 

‘The VP has been more energetic and clear-minded after Rummy’s death,” said the Cheney family physician Dr. William Van Helsing. “He has been observed dancing in the light of the full moon and appears reinvigorated.” 

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A number of vloggers and conspiracy theorists have likewise noted the former vice president looks significantly younger in recent days, but critics have dismissed the claims as little more than internet rumors. Irrefutable evidence remains largely non-existent due to the unexplained phenomena in which Cheney’s image does not appear in mirrors or photographs.

Reports of Cheney’s reinvigorated health have caused some to look back on Cheney’s behavior following the 2018 death of former President George H.W. Bush. Unconfirmed reports at that time suggested Cheney exited the United States Capitol rotunda with small amounts of blood trickling from the corners of his mouth after paying respects to the former president and architect of the first Gulf War in 1990. 

A spokesman for Cheney said the former vice president’s recent behavior was simply a result of Cheney taking solace in his good fortune to be alive and he was “in no way” drawing strength and vigor from the deaths of his fellow architects of the controversial Iraq war. 

Former national security advisor John Bolton was unavailable for comment on Cheney’s renewed vigor as he was attending the annual World Garlic Festival in Gilroy, California.

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