Forward observer's bracket 'totally screwed' after first round

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KHOST, Afghanistan — A U.S. Army forward observer's bracket is "totally screwed" after only the first round, sources confirmed today.

Bracketing is a common practice among casual observers and almost exclusively occurs in the post-winter months after the hangover of football season dissipates and the snow recedes. This period is often called "March Madness" or the "fighting season."

Sgt. Andrew Shelbet hoped to win fame, glory, and $110 with his bracket, but he knew it was a lost cause after the first round.

"I tried to adjust fire on a bunch of Taliban in the open, but the first round went way over my head, then over the enemy, and then over a goddamn ridgeline," said Shelbet. "It was totally fucked. I couldn't even bare the impact of the second round."

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