Brig. Gen. Sinclair To Take Command Of French Foreign Legion

FAYETTEVILLE — Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Sinclair is reportedly in talks with the French government to become the commanding officer of the French Foreign Legion, Duffel Blog has learned.

"General Sinclair is leaving the U.S. Army in disgrace,” Military analyst Reggie Hardy told reporters, noting his recent conviction in a sexual harassment case that resulted in a $20,000 fine and discharge. “He is verbally abusive, has a history of sexual harassment, and doesn’t speak a word of French, so he would be a perfect fit."

Brig. Gen. Sinclair, who has already changed his first name to “Apollinaire-Luc,” is excited for his future in France.

“I am honored to be considered for this position,” he said. “The Legion has a proud history of being full of scumbags, being sent to fight pointless wars in Africa so French citizens won’t have to, and rebelling against their own government. They also have their own vineyards — I can’t wait.”

“They’re still allowed to hit their subordinates,” Apollinaire-Luc Sinclair said, “So that’s a plus. The only thing I don’t like is that the Legion is an all-male force. I’m going to open up the ranks to females so I can be surrounded by women I can harass and threaten to kill.”

Still, the current commander of the FFL, Général de brigade Christophe de Saint Chamas, says he has doubts about whether Brig. Gen. Sinclair would be capable of commanding a French force.

"He turned down a plea deal and went to trial," said Saint Chamas. "A true French officer takes every chance he has to surrender."

Brig. Gen. Apollinaire-Luc Sinclair is growing a beard and carrying an axe at all times, but "wearing aprons is for women-folk," he said.