George Zimmerman Tracks Down Joseph Kony, Executes Him
GULU, UGANDA — Two weeks after George Zimmerman was found not guilty in the murder of Trayvon Martin, the former neighborhood watch captain has turned up in Uganda after allegedly gunning down a "suspicious-looking" African warlord, sources confirmed today.
“Between killing a kid and saving a family, I was getting a lot of press,” confessed Zimmerman. “No one gives a shit about Africa except Bono and hipsters. I figured I’d be able to lay low.”
While out for a stroll on Sunday evening, Zimmerman spotted Joseph Kony, the rebel leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) that has terrorized the citizens of Uganda for more than 25 years. The group garnered national attention when a bunch of white college students called for Kony’s arrest by volunteering the U.S. military for the job through a sweet film with chill music.
“Look, I don’t go looking for trouble,” Zimmerman explained. “But there were some people walking around the village who looked suspicious. I was forced to take a stand.”
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