By Slab Squat Thrust

MINNEAPOLIS — Ghislaine Maxwell, the well-known partner of sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, has been transferred to a Veteran’s Hospital parking lot in Minneapolis where she is expected to await trial and totally not commit suicide, sources confirmed today.

Maxwell was arrested last year on charges she ensnared and manipulated minors as young as 14 for Epstein, according to prosecutors. And they believe she may also have information on certain prominent figures that took part in Epstein’s teenage sex parties, who will undoubtedly not try to assassinate Maxwell at the Veteran’s Hospital and make it look like she killed herself in the parking lot.

Though Maxwell’s defense attorneys have long claimed she has been subjected to “terrible conditions” in jail, they offered tepid support for the move to the VA hospital in Minneapolis so their client, just like veterans, would have safe, reliable, and convenient access to health care and wou…