Greenpeace supports Iran’s seizure of oil tankers

WASHINGTON—Greenpeace released a statement today lauding the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Corps Navy for its “courageous and necessary” decision to seize two British-operated oil tankers in the Strait of Hormuz.

The environmentalist group thanked its fellow ecoterrorists for taking direct action to disrupt the oil trade that is responsible for “destroying the ocean’s ecosystems, causing global warming, and providing a distribution channel for Taylor Swift.”

At the same time, Greenpeace called on the United States to resist calls for restraint amid mounting tensions in the Middle East.

“We finally have enough pretext to obliterate the source of roughly 60 percent of the world’s oil,” the statement noted. “This could be America’s greatest contribution to the environmentalist cause since they used nuclear weapons to stop Japan from hunting whales.”

FARS News, Iran’s semiofficial state media outlet, broadcast Greenpeace’s statement in prime time. Analysts interpreted this as a move by the government to shore up support among the country’s liberal opposition groups, who feel the nation has not done enough to invest in alternative sources of energy, specifically nuclear power.