Hacker Named 'Penis' Penetrates Restricted Network, Makes A Mess

WASHINGTON, D.C — The Departments of Justice and Homeland Security have been embarrassed by revelations that the anonymous cybercriminal "penis" has penetrated their systems and caused a spill, sources have confirmed.

An unknown individual, going by the Twitter username "penis", slipped into a DOJ intranet via a compromised email, after which he stole an…