Haqqani Network Struggles To Use Up Explosives For Fiscal Year

PESHAWAR, PAKISTAN — Officials from The Haqqani Network claim that the terror network is struggling to use up its explosives quota amid lingering buget cuts.

Known for its sophisticated terrorist operations in Afghanistan, the network has struggled with more rudimentary financial problems this past year — namely the justification for more explosives. Although only half way through the fiscal year, the terror group is behind on its use of explosives of all types.

The network has publicly set goals for more massive attacks against Afghan and coalition forces in Afghanistan, but recent accounting figures show the network lagging over 30 percent behind their FY 2012 numbers.

The shortfall can be traced to the trademark corruption that makes the Haqqani Network a staple proxy of both Pakistani foreign policy, as well as one of the most efficiently run corrupt enterprises in entire jihadist movement. However, financial mismanagement, coupled with a lack of oversight on explosive use have created a bureaucratic malaise, the effects of which have not only hindered operations, but morale as well.

In an open letter posted on a jihadist internet forum, Sirajudin Haqqani minced no words with a network member's inability to square company expenses with private ones. While it was sent to a specific member, its intent to scare the shit out of the network as a whole was clear.

The letter to the member addressed only as Siraj, stated the following: “I secured 75,000 rupees for everything from SEMTEX to PETN to C4, detonators, wiring, timers and all other remaining components. I learned that you did not submit the voucher to the [Sirajudin Haqqani's] office. You claimed 10,000 rupees as operational expenses and kept the remainder, claiming you have a right. I also note you then took leave to Dubai without conducting the quota of operations."

"I pulled off the Serena Hotel operation for less than that and earned free international media attention," the letter continues. "You earned us a 40,000 rupees worth of room service from the Habtoor Grand Beach Resort and Spa! This is Pakistani funding. It's Pakistani property, not private property ... I would like to remind you of the consequences you can face. Let me put it to you this way: You won't be meeting 72 virgins if you're sanctioned by your brothers.”

The letter was explosive, rattling even the most experienced bombmaker with the network.

"I came in on the ground floor in 80's and this is the worst I've seen it," said a senior Haqqani network member who spoke on condition of anonymity. "It's like these new kids don't understand how to fill out an expense report. Worse, no matter how many front companies we set up, no matter how many business in Pakistan we extort, these kids are insatiable when it comes to bankrupting us! Charity to the poor is a pillar of Islam. Perhaps it's time for Jalaludin [Haqqani] to make fiscal sanity a pillar as well."

The Habtoor Grand Beach and Spa could not be reached for comment.