NORFOLK, VA - Yeoman Third Class Roger Dawes was named USS Gonzalez’s Junior Sailor of the Year for maintaining an immaculate boot shine, military creases in his coveralls, and having the "most pointless basic military requirements knowledge", according to a press release from his chain of command.

“I definitely feel like I earned this,” YN3 Dawes said after the award ceremony. “The other sailors are great, don’t get me wrong, but my boots are just that shiny. You can see yourself in these bad boys.”

“I really think he deserves it,” Boatswain’s Mate Second Class John Wake said, hanging off the bow and sanding the anchor. “He puts a lot of time into ironing his working uniforms so he can look good doing paperwork.”

A wind picked up and slammed BM2 Wake against the anchor. “Ow,” he said, shaking off a concussion. “Yeah, Dawes works the hardest.”

“There were four candidates this year, and we put it up to a vote in the Chief’s mess,” Command Master Chief Derek Smalls said. “A lot of chiefs we…