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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Sunday, 27 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

27 September 2026

0216 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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· Page 2

Hardest working sailor determined by Shiniest boots, immaculate uniform

Filed · 1546

NORFOLK, VA - Yeoman Third Class Roger Dawes was named USS Gonzalez’s Junior Sailor of the Year for maintaining an immaculate boot shine, military creases in his coveralls, and having the "most pointless basic military requirements knowledge", according to a press release from his chain of command.

“I definitely feel like I earned this,” YN3 Dawes said after the award ceremony. “The other sailors are great, don’t get me wrong, but my boots are just that shiny. You can see yourself in these bad boys.”

“I really think he deserves it,” Boatswain’s Mate Second Class John Wake said, hanging off the bow and sanding the anchor. “He puts a lot of time into ironing his working uniforms so he can look good doing paperwork.”

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