HERO: US Marine rescues cougar trapped in local bar

DENVER — Sgt. Michael Howell of Denver is being hailed as a hero after rescuing a cougar that had become trapped in a local watering hole. Witnesses reported the cougar had wandered into the bar earlier in the evening but could not seem to get out of the establishment on her own.

“She was pacing around, looking kind of confused, like she didn’t know how she ended up in a popular college bar, surrounded by young, horny guys,” said one bystander.

Fortunately for the tawny predator, Howell was home on leave and in the right place at the right time. The muscular, attractive Howell had worked as a ski instructor before joining the Corps and spent a lot of time working with cougars on the slopes and around the ski lodge.

"I went to Smitty’s for a few beers with a couple friends from high school, but I saw this beautiful cougar wandering between the tables, looking for a way out. All these losers were reaching out, trying to touch her, and she looked terrified,” Howell said.

Bartender Colin Jameson praised Howell’s handling of the situation.

“He went up to her real slowly and spoke softly and calmed her down. Some bastard had spilled a beer on her, and Mikey brought her a towel and helped clean her up. Pretty soon she was eating chocolate out of his hand — never seen anything like it!”

Howell was then able to place his hands on the cougar’s backside and guide her to a dark corner, where she relaxed even further. After several minutes of heavy petting, Howell then coaxed the cougar toward the door and out into the night.

Though Howell’s friends had been looking forward to spending time with him, they reported they were happy he had the chance to get the wild cat home.