I Don't Know How To Tell You This, But I Sort Of, Um, Lost My Rifle

This is a guest column by the worst E-2 you've ever had.

So, I'm not sure how to tell you about this. I want to point out it's a totally fluke incident and not the kind of thing that normally happens to me.

Except for that time I failed to turn in the company SRP packets and caused a delay in our deployment.

Or when I ate nothing but pizza for six weeks an…