This is a guest column by the worst E-2 you've ever had.

So, I'm not sure how to tell you about this. I want to point out it's a totally fluke incident and not the kind of thing that normally happens to me.

Except for that time I failed to turn in the company SRP packets and caused a delay in our deployment.

Or when I ate nothing but pizza for six weeks and brought the company PT average down below 240. Sorry we didn't get the streamer for the guidon. Which reminds me of the time Chapman and I fell asleep in the CP, and 2nd Battalion stole our guidon and left it in the dumpster behind the DFAC. But maybe never mind about that.