'Imminent Threat' Issued After Chaplain's Report Of Religious Extremists

FORT JACKSON, S.C. — The National Terrorism Advisory System (NTAS) has issued an “Imminent Threat Alert” after an FBI raid against religious extremists at the Chaplain Basic Officer Leadership Course (CBOLC) at Fort Jackson earlier today.

The raid was the culmination of a week-long investigation of the US Army Chaplaincy Center. Authorities were tipped off by 2nd Lt. Tawfiq Krayshan, a Senegalese Sufi immigrant in the Chaplain Candidate Program. Krayshan reported that class members with black ashes on their heads would attempt to raise the Islamic prophet Isa Ibn Maryam from the dead, effectively bringing about the “end of days.”

In an exclusive interview with Duffel Blog, Krayshan — who has never been exposed to any religion other than Sufism and mainstream Islam in his native Senegal — details how his diligence and reverence to The Inspirer of Faith helped thwart a “major infiltration of heretics.”

“When I arrived in the United States, I was excited to study Islam with my US counterparts. Everyone was nice and welcoming, but as the days went by I noticed that they did not celebrate The Possessor of All Strength in the same way that I did,” Krayshan told Duffel Blog. “The pictures of Isa Ibn Maryam everywhere were really off-putting and cult-like. Their devotion to solely one prophet in the Quran seemed — how can I say this? — 'extreme.'”

Rather than alerting authorities immediately, Krayshan decided to conduct an informal investigation of his own into the group's bizarre "Lenten" rituals. What he found using only Wikipedia and mainstream media websites — assassination of religious leaders with venomous snakes; Kool Aid laced with cyanide; firefights with the ATF; the Oklahoma City bombing — shook him to his very core.

“Given their propensity for torture and violence I saw no other logical conclusion than the fulfillment of the prophecy in Chapter 54 of Surah al-Qamar at the end of Lent. I had no choice but to turn them in.”

Krayshan simultaneously alerted Congressman Michael T. McCaul (R-TX), Chairman of the House Committee on Homeland Security, about “dangerous extremist within the ranks” of the US Army. In response, McCaul is convening a hearing tomorrow to examine the apparent threat posed by homegrown Christian radicals and issued a statement to media.

“First it is the ashes, then it is a papal bull, and then there are the Crusades. We need to stop these zealots before we’re all under Canon law," McCaul said.

Duffel Blog stalwart reporters G-Had and Dark Laughter contributed to this article.