MUNCIE, Ind. — Citing Indiana’s newly passed Religious Freedom Restoration Act, Spc. Brandon Kuzma of the 113th Support Battalion has opted out of April Individual Duty Training (IDT) since the “completely faggoty” training schedule violates his evangelical Christian faith, sources confirmed.
“I think it’s clear now that I can refuse service to anything that’s gay,” Kuzma wrote in one of the better written paragraphs of a letter to his chain of command, explaining his impending absence. “I joined the National Guard to serve. Now I’m refusing to serve in the cause of SHARP briefings, a mandatory family readiness seminar and another freaking round of PMCS. Seriously, that is the gayest training schedule I’ve seen in my life, and I’m not supporting it.”
“While the law is still new and some of the nuances are sure to emerge, this definitely falls within Spc. Kuzma’s rights,” said barracks lawyer Staff Sgt. Michael Greiner. “While in IDT status, Kuzma would be covered under state status and not federal. So according to the state militia code, which I’m pretty sharp on, Kuzma’s would fall under the state of Indiana’s laws. Now that Kuzma has the right to not support anything gay, I can’t blame him for not sticking around for SHARP train-the-trainer.”
While Kuzma is not expected to attend the first three [Multiple Unit Training Assemblies] of drill during "homotastic" resiliency training, his request to miss a sensitive items inventory was not approved since he listed his grievance with the training as being “fucktarded.”
Though the request is working its way up to the 76th Infantry Division judge advocate general, Kuzma’s company commander has deemed any form of "tards" to be a protected category, and not included under the RFRA.
Kuzma contends that because of his religious protections, he expects full pay for the weekend.