Soldier realizes identity has been stolen after his credit score improves

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — A soldier stationed at Fort Bragg noticed his identity had been stolen when his credit score suddenly spiked to 560, sources confirmed today.

“I was at Armed Forces Bank to open a fifth credit card so I could get some custom vinyl for my Dodge Charger," said Pfc. Jonathan Meyer. "The lady pulled my credit report and was all like, ‘You’re approved for a $5,000 line of credit.’ Without having my grandmother co-sign? It’s never been that easy. I knew something was up.”

Meyer’s recent credit score uptick was especially exciting, since he got the vinyl for his Charger, and the time spent at provost marshal and legal got him out of two road marches and a blended retirement system briefing.

“This is a common problem,” said Capt. Nick Stevens, a Judge Advocate at the base legal clinic. “A soldier comes in after they drove to another state to try to get a car title loan against a GSA minivan, and they realize that there’s no way they could possibly have a 700 FICO score."

He added: "It’s become part of our standard annual legal brief. We say, ‘If your credit score is getting high enough that your wife is comfortable talking about leaving you, don’t wait, come talk to us.’”

Experts at base legal aren't the only ones familiar with this problem. According to Gergeii Aslomov, a hacker who has viewed many data dumps of Social Security numbers and other information on the dark, this happens quite often.

"We usually pay top dollar for this stuff, but then when we go to use it and their credit is so wrecked we can’t even start new credit cards and take out loans in their name," Aslomov said. "We have to pay off some debts, start making large purchases, and pay them off on time before we can even get started."