Iran: 'We Have Much To Be Thankful For'

TEHRAN, IRAN – Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei has told his countrymen that Iran has much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday.

"If you had told me ten years ago that we would be the strongest country in the region, on the verge of building a nuclear bomb, I would have laughed," the Ayatollah admitted. "So let us give thanks to the two men who made it possible: George W. Bush and Barack Obama."

Khameini had nothing but profound words of thanks for the two U.S. presidents who toppled Iran's historic enemies in Iraq and Afghanistan, bungled the occupations of both countries, and have steadfastly refused to intervene either in Iran or its client-state Syria.

"If there is one country which Iran should be most thankful for on this blessed holiday, it is the United States," he said.

Khameini added that he also wanted to thank Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu for continuing to build settlements in the West Bank and refusing to conclude a peace deal with the Palestinians.

He made his remarks at the Niavaran Palace in Tehran as part of the nation's official Thanksgiving celebration. In the spirit of togetherness that marks the holiday, he was joined by his close friend Nuri al-Maliki, and thanked America for installing him as the prime minister of Iraq.

Khameini spoke at length about the recent deal relaxing economic sanctions on Iran in exchange for vague assurances that the country would discontinue its nuclear program, which he said Iran was extremely thankful for.

After making his annual phone call of thanks to former U.S. president Jimmy Carter, Khamenei also paid tribute to the men of Hizballah and the Quds Force, who were planning terrorist attacks throughout the Middle East and Europe and couldn't spent the holiday with their families.