TEHRAN—Iranian merchant and torrent movie DVD burner Farhad Khadem has ordered new inventory in the event of a mass migration of U.S. consumers who happen to be in the military and in his immediate vicinity sometime in the near future.
“I’m no fortune teller,” said Khadem while switching out plastic discs in his computer drive, “but a cousin of mine in Iraq saw a ton of new business come his way in about 2003, 2004 after a political climate a lot like what we’re seeing here in Iran.”
New merchandise includes projected hits such as Avengers: Endgame with Korean dubbing and German subtitles, and Terminator: Dark Fate with an alternate ending.
“Right now, I can download these movies because we have reliable infrastructure including internet and cellular, but I have a feeling that will be gone, and we’ll be relying on discs again the moment these Americans arrive,” Khadem mused. “And since they’ll be withdrawing from their usual social media access, I’ll also be stocking Thai Red Bulls, steroids, and PlayStation 4s.”