Iraq evacuates nonessential workers, fortifies embassy ahead of US presidential inauguration

Iraq also asked the U.N. to set up a "no fly zone" over Washington, D.C.

By W.E. Linde

WASHINGTON — The Iraqi government on Monday hastily evacuated all nonessential Iraqi personnel from a rapidly destabilizing United States as the inauguration of President-elect Joe Biden approaches on Jan. 20. Additionally, engineers have been building fortifications at the Iraqi Embassy in anticipation of tensions once again erupting into violence.

Fareed Yasseen, Iraq’s ambassador to the United States, explained the move while loading terrified civilians onto an Iraqi Air Force transport helicopter.

“We had such hope that the political situation in America would mature to a greater degree than it has,” said Yaseen while ducking gunfire near the embassy grounds. “Of course, the Republic of Iraq stands as a partner to help America in her journey to rejoin the community of nations, but we feel anyone not associated with security forces should be sent to someplace more stable, like Michoacán, Mexico or back home. But the situation here is untenable.”

Besides the evacuation, Iraq requested that the United Nations set up a "no fly zone" over Washington D.C., which they offered to help enforce.


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“Frankly, the regime of Donald Trump can’t be trusted,” said Iraqi Air Force Gen. Shihab Jahid Ali. “He controls the most powerful Air Force in the world, and we don’t put it past him to use that against oppressed minorities in the country.”

While Iraqi nationals are being transferred to evacuation points, security forces are trying to arrange a peaceful evacuation with a number of D.C. militias.

“Since the arrest of the QAnon Shaman, we’re concerned that forces loyal to him will try to draw Iraq into a protracted engagement in the region,” said Maj. Kamal Amin, a spokesman of the embassy’s security team. “While the newly established Green Zone offers a measure of security, we’re concerned that our convoys between the embassy and Dulles International Airfield may be seen as soft targets.”

Washington has been relatively quiet recently since Trump loyalists overran the Capitol Building last week, but Amin worries things are about to get worse.

“Intelligence reports indicate the militias may be splintering,” said Amin. “President Trump’s mixed messages are infuriating the extremists, who may not want to listen to his half-hearted appeals for peace. Things are primed to explode.”

At press time, Iraq was making an appeal to allies to form a coalition of the willing who might be able to intervene and liberate America, should it become necessary. But so far, only Iran and Cuba have shown any interest in joining Operation American Freedom.

W.E. Linde writes a lot. Former military intelligence officer, amateur historian, blogger/writer at Strives to be a satirist, but probably just sarcastic. 

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