RAQQA, Syria — The big winner of today's Army-Navy game may have been the Islamic State, which fought and won a major offensive while the U.S. military watched the game, Duffel Blog has learned.

ISIS spokesman Abu Mohammed al-Adnani, wearing a t-shirt that said "West Point Rope-Pushing Team," announced that the offensive captured dozens of villages in central Iraq while coalition forces watched Army lose to Navy for the 13h straight time.

“For over four hours, while the disbelievers watched their so-called ‘football’ game between the children pretending to be fighters from West Point and Annapolis,” al-Adnani said, “we routed the puppet forces again and again, praise be to Allah.”